Seeking Elevation

Friday fluff

2012-02-10T01:00:00.000+08:00

This comes from here. What would you do if: Stranded in a forest alone Oh god, that sounds amazing right now. When I was a kid, I'd often go wandering off into wooded areas by myself. I was the great getaway kid--get me the fuck outta here. If I were stranded in a forest alone, I would only hope that I'd brought a pen, some paper, maybe a book and definitely the fixings for martinis.

Happy Anniversary

2012-02-09T20:39:00.002+08:00

I've had my blog now for two years. I'm grateful for it, you know. I really am. It got me writing again. It started me down the road of dreaming up Trifecta. I've met lots of amazing people. I've learned how to think analytically about writing. I've gotten heaps of rejection letters. :-) I keep sending stuff out. It's good fun, really. Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Circles again

2012-02-07T21:04:00.002+08:00

Cassandra has but does not act upon the knowledge that her husband is fucking someone else. Like two stray dogs in a parking lot. He guesses that she knows and is emboldened her refusal to act. His

You need to write.

2012-02-06T05:00:00.000+08:00

I need to write. You need to write. The sun needs to shine again. I didn't know that about this place. Winter here is a broken record of cloudy days. Also the cost of four plane tickets back home equals, ironically, the exact number of dollars saved over the course of one year, effectively changing the definition of home. When the place you live becomes more of a home and less of a holiday

21st century broadcast

2012-02-05T16:18:00.000+08:00

What follows is my response to Lance's 100 Word Song, where the challenge was to write 100 words in response to Radiohead's Idioteque. The links lead to news stories, not straight to the videos I was stupid enough to watch. ******* My arms were slung around babies sleeping with open mouths, hair flattened against smooth cheeks. Those bastards came uninvited, brandishing their whips

Well, holy shit.

2012-02-03T20:58:00.002+08:00

The other day I was making dinner and trying to listen to music over the screaming of my two children (who have recently declared open war on one another) when my iPhone did its familiar little dance on the table next to me. I looked to see an email from my awesomesauce friend and bloggy buddy Joules. The subject of the email was: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG. I assumed, obviously, that, despite

Friday fluff

2012-02-03T03:48:00.000+08:00

This comes from here: http://www.quizopolis.com/survey/5844/Questions-People-Won't-Ask-Survey/ Have you ever flirted with your best friend's bf/gf? There are two kinds of flirting. The one kind is where you are suggestive and sexy, where you imagine the person in question trilling a finger down your unclothed spine. The second is where you acknowledge that the person in question is attractive

WTF Wednesday: Rose apple

2012-02-01T05:34:00.000+08:00

It's Wednesday. That means it's time for another edition of WTF Food Is This Wednesdays. This week, I give you the rose apple. The rose apple is the first of my WTF Wednesday foods that I had honestly never seen before. There I was, strolling through the grocery store, trying to avoid humanity, when all of a sudden, I saw this pinkish glowing orb of potential. I picked it up, turned it this

Songs to get naked to

2012-01-30T20:47:00.000+08:00

I'm a huge music person. Everything in my life has a soundtrack. There's the morning music, the Dylan's-at-school music, the making-dinner music, the after-dinner music. The music I was sad on. The music I was manic on. The music of the summer and the winter and the fall and prom and my wedding and that day I cried for sixteen hours straight. I set it all to music. The other day my son

Perspective

2012-01-28T20:21:00.001+08:00

The boats in the bay--I can’t help but notice them every time I drive past. They sit there like ducks--such a tired expression but they do. Or else the ducks are like boats. Or else both ducks and

A love story of sorts

2012-01-28T16:17:00.000+08:00

Trifecta has added a new weekend challenge. This weekend's prompt is to write a love story in exactly 33 words. I'm an editor and judge, so my entry won't be considered. But I still thought it would be fun to write. It was. I kind of want to spend the rest of my day cranking out 33-word stories. My family is less excited about that idea. So here's mine. Where's yours? Join up. "This is

Friday fluff

2012-01-27T03:24:00.000+08:00

This week's survey comes from here, was written by LoLgUrLiE, and does not include the word handjob. Do you have a crush right now? Otherwise known as Flavor of the Week. Obvs. What good is life if you're not constantly fantasizing about hot men? I don't even know what I'd do with all that extra time. I'd have to start making dinner or something. Shudder. What is your favorite color?

Take me to the pilot

2012-01-26T20:28:00.000+08:00

Lance from myblogcanbeatupyourblog has started a new writing challenge. He gives you a song; you write a 100-word response to it. Sound fun? Then get writing and link up. This week's song was Take Me To

The cull: Indie Ink

2012-01-26T08:18:00.000+08:00

The men would be hungry. Sarah cursed her decision to roast a single chicken. She pondered the brown bird cooling on the countertop, dividing it into even portions in her mind. Her eyes flitted from the bird to the fresh bread waiting in its basket on the table. Her fingers counted the men against her red apron. Nathaniel. Eli. Noah. Michael. Jacob. Five. Seven, if you count the boys,

WTF: Sapodilla

2012-01-25T05:13:00.000+08:00

Hang on to your hats, kids. It time for another edition of. . . Last week I brought you adventures of the dragon fruit. This week I bring you the sapodilla. Now, before you all start racing down to the comments to leave our agreed-upon code for "This food is neither uncommon nor special, dipshit," let me tell you that I was raised in Florida. I know of the sapodilla. That does not mean I

Sound it out

2012-01-23T17:01:00.000+08:00

Kuh. Kuh. Kuh. Kuh. Ah. Kuh. Ah. Nuh. Kuh. Ah. Nuh. Duh. Kuh. Ah. Nuh. Duh. Kuh. Ah. Nuh. Duh. Ah. Kuh. On. Duh. Ah. Mm. Sssss. Kuh on duh ah mms. Mommy? What's a condoms? You think it's awesome that your four year old can read until you take him to the grocery store.

Writing about writing

2012-01-21T19:34:00.000+08:00

We're doing a meet-and-greet over at Trifecta in an effort to learn a bit more about each other. If you like to write, you should link up! Just copy the questions into a blog post of your own, answer them, and then link your blog's URL to the linky form on Trifecta. It doesn't matter if you've never played along in Trifecta before. Come join! If nothing else, it's a little more exposure for

Friday fluff

2012-01-20T03:06:00.002+08:00

Hola como estas? Aye! Que bueno. What are you obsessed with? This week? Dark chocolate. The higher the percentage, the better. I'm eating my feelings. It's like a race to see how ineffectively and unhealthily I can manage my emotions without the use of alcohol. What do you dip your chicken nuggets in? Vodka. What was the last road trip you went on? My four-year-old son just asked if we'd

WTF Wednesday: Dragon fruit

2012-01-19T14:27:00.000+08:00

Part of the experience of traveling is experiencing different cuisines. When you're vacationing, that means eating at local restaurants. When you live in a new country, that means cooking with local foods. I'm not great at that part. Mostly, what I do is eat the same stuff I always do and complain about the lack of chicken wings. Instead of our diets opening up to include new things, they

2012-01-18T11:52:00.002+08:00

Educate yourself. Speak up. Speak out.

Whose playdate is this anyway?

2012-01-16T16:33:00.000+08:00

Dylan's Mom? Where are your stairs? We don't have any stairs. Why don't you have any stairs? Because we only have the one floor. So we don't need stairs. Well, where's your downstairs? We don't have a downstairs. Well, where's your upstairs? We don't have an upstairs. Where does your helper sleep? We don't have a helper. Then who washes your clothes? I do. That's funny. I think so,

What to major in

2012-01-14T16:28:00.002+08:00

I picked up the newspaper today and made my way, somehow, past the ads for dogs that need homes and onto the job ads. You know what's fun about being 32 and paging through the want ads? Nothing. There is nothing fun about being 32 and paging through the want ads. The want ads remind me that perhaps my majors in college and grad school should've been a bit more, ummm, applied. They should

Friday fluff

2012-01-13T01:01:00.000+08:00

This comes from here. copyright elisa ann lindstrom Are you an early riser? 5:30 am. It's bullshit. It's worse than it sounds, if that's even possible. Do you shower before or after work? If by work, you mean sleep, then before. Do you have a gym mebership? If by gym mebership, you mean library card, then yes. Do you go to the gym everyday? If by go to the gym, you mean seek sexual

Sharks and strawberries: Indie Ink

2012-01-12T19:20:00.000+08:00

For the IndieInk Writing Challenge this week, Maya Bahl challenged me with "It was the best of times; it was the worst of times" and I challenged Bewildered Bug with "It was, in hindsight, a terrible vacation". It was the best of times. . . The things in my basket were stereotypes. Fresh strawberries, rinsed but with their green heads intact. A baguette. Inexpensive cheese, wrapped in plastic

It's awards season, yo.

2012-01-11T17:14:00.000+08:00

It's Bloggie season, y'all. Did you know that? Bloggies are the longest-running weblog award, and nominations are open to the public til January 15. All you need in order to nominate someone is an email address. You just go here and fill in the categories you want. Do you have to nominate a blog for each category? Hell no. (There are nine zillion categories.) Can you nominate the same

The complication of birthdays

2012-01-08T20:59:00.000+08:00

For my son's first birthday, we were living in Kenya. We ordered a ton of Ethiopian food and ate lunch in the backyard with friends. In lieu of gifts, we accepted in-kind donations to a local orphanage. For my son's second birthday, we were living in Abu Dhabi. We had a few friends over for some cake. We accepted donations for the same orphanage in Kenya. For my son's third birthday, we

Epic fail

2012-01-06T12:41:00.000+08:00

You ever have one of those moments when you look around you and realize that every single thing for which you are responsible has gone to shit? That's the morning I had. Dylan had his interview to get into elementary school this morning. It's a formality--they have to take him because his dad works for the school. (Thank the sweet lord.) We wake up and kind of putz around. Dylan dresses up

Friday fluff

2012-01-06T01:36:00.000+08:00

Today's quiz comes from: http://www.quizopolis.com/survey/5280/Awesome-Random-Stuff-Survey/ and was written by the genius _FR4NC3S_. Do you like pandas? I'm kind of with Tyler Durden. If you won't fuck to save your own species, I don't have a lot of sympathy for you. I like them, but the fact that they're nearly extinct makes sense to me. They're picky eaters; they stick out like freaking

Top three

2012-01-05T15:25:00.001+08:00

I saw another thing circulating around the internet. (Uh oh.) It's a blog meme where instead of a post, you just drop links to your top three blog posts. Since I would like very much to click "publish" today but don't have jack to say nor time to say it, I'll play that game. You're supposed to go by stats. My top three most-viewed blog posts are: This WTF Wednesday. This is kind of funny

Intent

2012-01-04T14:15:00.002+08:00

Everybody is doing this thing this year of selecting a single word to guide their new year. And, in typical internet fashion, nobody seems to really be crediting where the heck they get this idea from. But after some Googling, it looks like maybe this is it? I don't know. I haven't read the site. I like the idea. I have always been drawn to the idea of figuring out who I am. I find nothing

Book one

2012-01-02T21:50:00.000+08:00

I'm not going to do a book review for two reasons: first, they tend to spoil the mood of a book and second, this blog isn't really the place to go on and on about literary style and technique. So I'll just say that I've accomplished one part of a New Year's Resolution. I wanted to read more. I started a book on January 1 and finished it on January 2. (It was a short book.) Julian Barnes won

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T17:23:00.001+08:00

I'm about to say something positive. Hold on to your hats. My husband has been home from work for the past two weeks. (Teacher.) Because I've been out of my freaking gourd with depression not feeling as chipper as we'd all like me to feel, he's done a good chunk of the parenting around these parts. That's not out of the norm, really. He's a very involved father. When Dylan was four months

Depressing fiction

2011-12-31T12:50:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, on my writing challenge site, Trifecta, my husband wrote a guest post. In it, he talked about the challenges of writing to a prompt and for a deadline. He talked about his difficulties in

Welcome, 2012

2011-12-30T21:14:00.000+08:00

I did this last year, too. Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka got me hooked on it. Like the hooch, yo. You should do it, and then go link up. 1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? I really want to say something dirty right here, but I won't. I willingly chose to work with someone else on a creative project. Trifecta Writing Challenge was launched in November, and so far

Friday Fluff

2011-12-30T07:55:00.000+08:00

It's Friday. Time for fluff. And beer. And babysitters. And fluff. And babysitters. In a elavator would you tap someone on the shoulder and pertend it was not you? You know what? I would. If I were with someone else, I'd do it to try to get them to laugh. In the right company, I can do some amazingly dumb shit for a laugh. But not if I were by myself. That's creepy. What is your pet

Today's score

2011-12-28T16:43:00.000+08:00

Mountain: 1Depression: 0

Patchwork

2011-12-26T17:26:00.000+08:00

I emailed my cousin, told her I needed to talk. We bounce ideas off one another. Not small ideas. Enormous ideas. We change our lives in front of one another. She wrote back, told me she'd been waiting for my email. She reminded me that every time I move, I get lost. This is different, I said. It's the end of the year at the same time my husband is trying to organize our home videos. I

I swear, I swear, I swear

2011-12-24T13:36:00.001+08:00

They're giving away puppies the day before Christmas, and I wonder how smart that is as I reach down to pet the fluffiest of the lot. He's not jumping and biting like the others, so of course he's the one I touch. His belly is round like a baby's. The woman tells me he's sick, that I should wash my hands, but that I can take him home if I'd like. Something inside of me feels like a knife, and

Friday Fluff

2011-12-23T08:07:00.000+08:00

It's time for the Fluff of Friday. It's the Holiday Edition, yo. And I think the way I'm meant to answer these is as a would you rather this or that kind of thing. Here goes: Get kissed under the mistletoe or in the snow? Handjob at the dinner table. Santa or Rudolph? They're both kind of bullshit, but I'll take Santa. Hooved animals freak me out. Stocking or presents? Stocking. We've been

Christmas jerk

2011-12-22T20:29:00.001+08:00

Christmas turns me into a real jerk most of the time. I don't want to be a jerk--I think that's what most jerks say--it just happens. Last night I watched a Christmas movie, my first and probably my last of the season. I picked it out after being harassed for my inability to watch Christmas movies, listen to Christmas music, decorate Christmas trees, etc. It's a documentary. Here's the

WTF Wednesday

2011-12-21T09:00:00.001+08:00

My husband and I, two years ago, did this thing we called "Documentary Month" and that is exactly what it sounds like. We each picked five documentaries and vowed to watch them together during the month of January. We're both huge dorks and adore documentaries, so I suggested we do it again this January. While cruising through the documentary genre on Apple TV, I found The Elephant in the

Shame

2011-12-18T19:07:00.000+08:00

What follows is my response to this week's Trifecta Writing Challenge where the word was shame. As I'm an editor and judge of the challenge, my entry, of course, won't be considered for judging. Which

Friday Fluff

2011-12-16T03:44:00.000+08:00

Have you ever smoked? I smoked my first cigarette when I was about six, on a dare. I inhaled. It tasted like burning. I smoked my second cigarette when I was about 19. It never became a habit. Thankfully. Have you been caught doing something bad? Ha ha. Bad. Ummm. I've been caught doing stuff I probably shouldn't have been doing. But I don't know that I've done a lot of bad in my day.

Honey bees

2011-12-15T15:01:00.001+08:00

It's not a thing I do intentionally. Indeed, it's a thing I try desperately to avoid doing at all. But I can't help it: Christmas gets me down. I don't know why; it just makes me inexplicably sad. I'm not a great receiver of gifts, first of all. I don't really like a whole bunch of stuff. I don't think there's a quick go-to gift that someone could pick up for me, and I'd just fall all over

WTF Wednesday

2011-12-14T19:24:00.001+08:00

My husband: I'm so glad I married a hot chick. Seriously, I show up at these Christmas parties and see these guys, and I'm all, "Oh hey, how's it going. Where's your wife's cauldron?" (Note: that's not nice. And it's not even true. The chicks at my husband's work party were almost without exception smokin' hot. They looked like they'd bathed recently, and they all smelled nice and were

A shoe story not unlike Cinderella

2011-12-13T19:12:00.000+08:00

For the past few weeks, my son has started each day by complaining about his shoes. It’s exhausting. He owns several different pairs of shoes, but only one, really, that is suitable for school. He

Education cha-cha-cha

2011-12-12T13:39:00.000+08:00

I'm kind of missing my old community right now. Which is funny, because if you'd asked me back then, I'd have told you I didn't even have a community. I suppose I didn't. When I lived in Florida last year, I never got to know anyone too well. I didn't put my son in preschool until February. He was out by the end of May. He's never once spoken of his former classmates. I honestly don't

Junior photographer

2011-12-11T14:27:00.000+08:00

I have a digital SLR camera that I hardly ever use. My son uses it every day. He's four. He's big-time into photography right now. Actually, he has been for almost a year now. He has an uncle who is rather gifted behind the lens, so maybe it's something he'll keep up with or maybe it's just a passing fancy. Who knows. His pictures are always interesting to me. He photographs things that

Friday Fluff

2011-12-09T14:09:00.001+08:00

If a blind woman/man started hitting on you, what would you do? Be as flattered as I ought to be, I suppose. Though, if you take the skinny girl with greasy hair out of the equation, I have no idea what he’s finding so attractive. If your dog peed on your crush's leg, would you be embarrassed? Mortified.    If you had to choose what your mother would wear for the rest of her life, would you?

Bundle

2011-12-08T21:08:00.001+08:00

Linking up to Velvet Verbosity's 100 Word Challenge, where this week's word was bundle. The dog refused to make eye contact with the man yelling at it. Her face was one of strained indifference. She was humoring the man. Or else forcing patience with an idiot. My husband teases me for my over-identification with animals. He believes the dog lacks all the things that allow for experiences

WTF Wednesday

2011-12-07T16:16:00.000+08:00

I thought nothing funny happened lately. But I forgot. This whole WTF Wednesday thing is about self-deprecation, if you haven't noticed. And I've done some truly dumb shit this week. First, a real conversation on Facebook. In case you haven't put it all together yet, I'm Lisa Harvey. The dumbass who suggested, publicly and unwittingly, that she would be around to do favors for her friend's

Things in the street

2011-12-07T14:11:00.001+08:00

I accelerate on turns, sometimes more than I should. My music is perhaps louder than it ought to be. I’m thinking I should be more careful when I come around the corner and nearly collide with a city worker standing in the street. He’s hacking the weeds out of the curb. He works, bent at the waist, in traffic. It’s a job I would not sign up for, but it’s possible that I have more options

Four first paragraphs

2011-12-05T22:58:00.000+08:00

Early this year, I did this thing I called "Five First Paragraphs" where I wrote five opening paragraphs to things that could've been longer but never got the chance to be. Because I want to write but am

And that is how fast I type, apparently

2011-12-05T13:26:00.000+08:00

I type very fast. People who chat with me online always comment on it. It is one of my three skills. (The others being: pours an excellent beer with just the right amount of head and remembers inane,

Christmas

2011-12-04T20:00:00.000+08:00

We turned down a Christmas party invite for the kids, and I'm having some trouble explaining that to people. All of the staff's kids were invited to a little party at my husband's school. Parents were asked to buy a present, wrap it, and discretely hand it off to the man dressed as Santa who would, in turn, hand it back to our kids. We are probably the only family not going. We are, almost

Friday Fluff

2011-12-02T16:53:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had a secret crush? If it were possible to have a secret crush in utero, I probably would've done it. I always have a secret crush. What's more fun than a secret crush? Answer: nothing. Do you love someone right now? I love a lot of people right now. The husband tops the list with the kids tied for a close second. Have you ever cheated? I've already answered this question in

WTF Wednesday

2011-11-30T20:21:00.000+08:00

How's this for a WTF Wednesday? I stopped washing my hair. Gross, right? Not really, as it turns out. I was dicking around on the internet a few days ago, and I found this website quite on accident. And she talks about how she doesn't use shampoo anymore and about how that works pretty well for her. So I thought, what the hell, I'll give that a go. (Note: this is often exactly how I make

Carrier pigeons

2011-11-29T20:22:00.000+08:00

I hear his questions and feel my hands fold themselves into a prayer. I look down at them, thumbs aligned so foolishly--a vestige from the days of being scolded for having questions. Keeping my fingers laced, I spread my thumbs apart, blow into the hole created there as if to keep myself warm. Mostly what I'm doing is covering my mouth. "Do you?" he repeats. Have any secrets that you'll take

Monday night fluff

2011-11-29T06:42:00.000+08:00

Oh my god, y'all. I forgot to do a Friday Fluff. What the hell was I thinking? Well, here you go. Monday night fluff. What is your favorite movie? Goodfellas What is your favorite tv show? I don't know. The only one I'm watching right now is Top Chef, and it's lame as hell. What is your favorite song? Ummmm. Today I found myself blaring Bob Dylan's Tell Me Momma, and that worked very,

Cast of characters

2011-11-28T10:53:00.000+08:00

I assume that everyone knows a handful of nuts. That's got to be the way of things. Still, I have to think that if you move every other year, to a different country, you're increasing your chances of meeting some gems. Especially if your social circles are mostly made up of other people who move, every other year, to a different country. I have met some gems in my day. In Kenya, I was

Blame it on Black Friday

2011-11-27T11:30:00.000+08:00

Linking up to Velvet Verbosity's 100 Word Challenge where this week's word was lucky. When I flew to India, I left a guy at the airport. Happiness shouldn’t be so much goddamn work. Cows and poverty greeted me at

WTF Wednesday: The lost art

2011-11-23T19:37:00.000+08:00

We're back. Because W(hy)TF not? This is WTF: The Husband Edition. Me: It would suck if we ever got divorced. I'd miss you. Husband: No you wouldn't. Here's what you'd do: someone would ask you, "Hey, how's it going with the divorce and everything?" and you'd be like, "Yeah, it's hard. Who wants to go get wings?" Me: Would you donate your kidney to someone if they needed it? Husband:

Leaping

2011-11-22T18:05:00.000+08:00

"At some point," I told her, "you have to stop trying to communicate. At some point, you need to accept that you've gotten as much resolution as you're going to get. Eventually, you'll have to realize that by trying even just one more time you are offering yourself up for abuse." It's all very self-important, and when his email comes in my heart leaps. I imagine this is him coming back into

Eighteen

2011-11-19T21:11:00.001+08:00

Linking up from Velvet Verbosity's 100 Word Challenge where the word was snow. She told me she could live with every aspect of the night except the fact that she hadn’t thought to bite his hand as it covered her mouth. I looked hard out the window, seeking a maturity borne of something other than age. But the truth today is the same that I knew as a kid: you only think to bite after the fact.

It's how we cope

2011-11-19T19:31:00.001+08:00

Here's how my Thursdays go: 9:00 Bring Dylan to preschool 10:00 Bring Estelah to Mandarin class 11:00 Get Estelah from Mandarin class 12:00 Get Dylan from preschool 2:00 Bring Estelah to preschool 4:00 Get Estelah from preschool 4:45 Bring Dylan to Mandarin class 5:45 Get Dylan from Mandarin class And I know that this schedule is laughable to those with more kids. Or more activities. But to

Friday fluff

2011-11-18T15:23:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been yelled at? I have been yelled at an insane amount of times. The thing about yelling at people is, if you keep doing it, they just stop listening. Has a close friend or family member died? No. I've been lucky in this regard. Have you ever been to jail for something you never did? Only every single time I go. Have you ever been joked about because of the color of your skin?

Making friends

2011-11-17T15:13:00.001+08:00

I have a new friend. She's hot. She's, like, smokin' hot. She's make-me-question-my-sexuality hot. Not in the way I usually find chicks hot, either. I have always admired the wraith-girls of the world. The ones who make skinny look good. I've always liked the barefoot, confident girls. Obviously, this is because I've always wanted to make skinny look good. I've always been barefoot, and

Opera and laundry

2011-11-14T14:14:00.001+08:00

The woman who lives upstairs sings opera with the windows open. I spend my days feeling as if I'm on the set of a sci-fi movie. I feel like I should be wearing a floor-length dress, with my hair piled up on top of my head. I should be walking around a room full of seated men and women in black tie dress. I should have the look of someone who has lost her head to a nose-full of blow. But

Rendering reality

2011-11-13T19:48:00.000+08:00

My response to Velvet Verbosity's 100 Word Challenge, where the prompt was to write about the concept of writing. Today I saw two men hoisting a sheet of plywood onto a waiting truck. In my mind, I change the

Elsewhere

2011-11-12T22:02:00.000+08:00

Deck the halls, the holidays are upon us. I can't decide what I should write here. It's either:I love the holidays. I deplore the holidays. I am completely ambivalent to the holidays. But it's definitely one of those. I love it when the air turns colder. It makes the coffee seem hotter. It makes me feel like baking. It pulls at my maternal heartstrings. I want to make things and love people

When yours is the new kid

2011-11-11T17:42:00.001+08:00

I used to be an elementary and middle school guidance counselor at a school for expat kids. So I know how this shit works. I get it. But knowing how it works doesn't make it one iota easier to come at it from the other side of the table. For those who move a lot AND have kids, I wanted to give you a couple of professionally-guided responses to difficult parenting conundrums. You can trust

Friday fluff

2011-11-11T05:58:00.001+08:00

Have you ever: Been robbed No. I've never had my house broken into, nor have I been jumped or anything like that. I have had all of my jewelry taken out of a bag, though, as I was moving from one country to another. A short list of what was stolen: all of my wedding jewelry (minus the rings) the tiny little gold ring my godfather gave me at my christening--the same one I gave my boyfriend

A birth story

2011-11-09T20:43:00.000+08:00

Three years ago tonight. My husband's mother had flown in a few days before, in anticipation of the baby's arrival. We wanted to take her out to dinner at least once before the baby came, so we made 8 pm reservations. By 5 pm, the twingy contractions that mark the end of any pregnancy started becoming a bit more regular. I wanted this baby. I was ready for this baby. I put Dylan in his

Winter girl

2011-11-06T16:53:00.001+08:00

Ahhh. . .those dark words. They've been missing for months. It's windy out. The shocking wind that precedes a storm. It's darker than it ought to be, and I'd love it if I could blame the changing pressure for my changing moods. I'm trying to get work done, but I keep looking out the window, waiting for the first drops. I won't be able to sleep tonight if I don't get to see this thing break.

Tell me again

2011-11-05T11:58:00.001+08:00

It was nearly a year ago that I got my third (and last) tattoo. My life today is almost unrecognizable. Does that happen to everyone or am I just doing something wrong? The memory of last year is visceral. It's music and beaches and camping and lust. I remember cool breezes moving through an open house. I remember grilling chicken on the back porch, eating takeout while watching a movie.

Friday fluff

2011-11-04T08:01:00.002+08:00

Do You: Carry a purse? I have kids. You have to have some kind of contraption when you have kids. Right now I'm rocking a pseudo backpack/purse thing that serves my needs ridiculously well. If I ever go out without kids (ha ha) I put a credit card in my back pocket and ask my husband to hold my phone. If my husband's not around to hold my phone, I leave it at home. I don't like stuff. Pet

PTSD and all that jazz

2011-11-02T19:44:00.000+08:00

Give or take, there are about six different types of anxiety disorders: generalized anxiety disorder post traumatic stress disorder panic disorder obsessive compulsive disorder phobias social anxiety disorder When I graduated from my masters program at the same time I got married at the same time I decided to move abroad at the same time my dog died, I developed most of those. (Actually, the dog

Trifecta

2011-11-01T06:25:00.000+08:00

In Abu Dhabi, my husband started a book club. He also started a meat-eaters club for men who were unfortunately married to vegetarians, but that's a different story. This is the book club story. The way our book club worked was that he invited a few people and encouraged them to invite a person or two. Until we had enough people to generate a decent discussion. The last two people to get

Monday Minutiae

2011-10-31T07:02:00.001+08:00

Weight gain update: I gave up. I stopped caring. And do you know what happened? I lost all three of the lbs I'd gained, and now I'm sitting back at 108. My husband says that I must either have a multi-chambered stomach or else a double of every internal organ that is burning up all the calories. I don't know. I don't care. I'll tell you one of the few benefits to being scrawny: you can

They say winter's coming

2011-10-29T17:56:00.001+08:00

People keep telling me how cold Hong Kong gets. I still don't believe them. But, just in case they're not exaggerating, I'm going to the beach as much as humanly possible while it's ridiculously gorgeous out. Some folks on Facebook are already posting about snow in their forecast. Hats off to you guys. You're freaking nuts. That's not me. This is the most rest I've gotten in four

Friday fluff

2011-10-28T15:07:00.000+08:00

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? I do, actually. The only guys I ever dated seriously, though, have incredibly popular names. Making it almost impossible to stalk them without resorting to extreme measures. And I'm crazy in a lot of ways, but this just isn't one of them. Have you ever been given roses? Yeah. Roses suck. I mean, it's nice to be given flowers, don't get me wrong.

Mandarin and martinis

2011-10-27T17:41:00.000+08:00

Have you noticed I haven't written anything approaching serious for quite a long time now? That could mean one of two things. Either I will never write anything serious ever again or else I will soon start emotionally vomiting all over your screen. I'm sure we all have our preferences on how that turns out. In the meantime, I bring you: Adventures in Immersion Language Instruction. I took

WTF Wednesday

2011-10-26T07:01:00.000+08:00

Friend: I had to give a blood sample today for my cholesterol reading. Me: Yeah, how'd that go? Friend: They couldn't get in the vein with a needle, so I suggested they use a potato peeler and just scrape off the top layer of blood--that's how thick that shit is. Husband: That fucking monk was checking you out. He wasn't even trying to hide it; he was just checking you out. Me: Monks are kind

Fluff for your Monday

2011-10-24T20:26:00.000+08:00

Last thing you watched on TV? Ummmmm. I overheard splashes of "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" today. Classic film. It's teaching my kids important vocabulary like "stupid" and "blockhead." And catch phrases like "If you got invited to the party, Chuck, there must've been a mistake." Whats in the fridge? Nothing edible. Some hummus, some hard-boiled eggs, a ton of vegetables, two

Quiet

2011-10-23T08:28:00.001+08:00

My response to this week's 100 Word Challenge, where the word was quiet. If noise is the opposite of quiet, then music is a separate distinction, one that children borrow against with their first choked screams. Our lives are a wreckage of one-way tickets--a shantytown built on promises overstepping drunken lips. We paper our walls with books and vinyls. He fingers my scars in his sleep. A

Fluff for your weekend

2011-10-21T20:21:00.000+08:00

Sprite or Root Beer? Root beer. Do you have close friends? Ha! Yes, I do. Thankfully. I imagine the people who don't just delete that question, huh? Are you in love? Le sigh. Fifteen years later, and yes, I'm still in love. Taken or Single? Married. What is the color of your comforter? That's weird. White. What are you wearing right now? We spent the day hiking (no shit) and then I

I promised you adventure

2011-10-20T21:45:00.000+08:00

My husband and kids all had this week off of school. Mid-term break. Americans haven't discovered mid-term break yet. Every other country on earth, I believe, has. Fortunately. We have always, without exception (I think), stayed home for the first mid-term break abroad. We use the week to get the lay of our new land. In this case, we used it, mostly, for doctor appointments. (FYI: if your

Douche speak

2011-10-20T06:33:00.000+08:00

This post will be fairly similar to yesterday's post. Except shorter. If you want to read it, I'm live on Band Back Together today at: http://www.bandbacktogether.com/the-gratitude-project-after-domestic-abuse. This post was a response to the question, "What are you grateful for?" Which should be, "For what are you grateful?" But people who talk like that tend to be douches. And that's the

Honesty

2011-10-19T07:04:00.000+08:00

I'm obviously not too guarded with the information I'm comfortable sharing online. I don't pretend to be a celebrity. I don't assume there are thousands of devotees hanging on my every word. Instead, I assume, I believe correctly, that most of what I say will dissolve into the vast, vast world of the internet without leaving much of a scar behind it. I highly doubt the day will come when

WTF Wednesday

2011-10-17T21:45:00.000+08:00

This week is a little messed up with regards to posting. I have two posts going live at Band Back Together, so I'll be directing you to those in the next few days. Which means that my WTF Wednesday isn't going to happen on Wednesday, which means I may as well tell you now. (Doing WTF Wednesday on a Monday is my first WTF moment, btw.) I only have one thing to tell you, and it's not even

Monday Minutiae

2011-10-17T08:28:00.001+08:00

Weight Gain Project: Seriously, if it's going to be this much work, I'm just going to stay scrawny. This is making me insane. I'm back up to 111. My husband likes to gaze appreciatively at my upper-middle section and say, "Yeah, I can tell that you've gained a few pounds." But he's just being nice. I look, of course, exactly the same. And I'm working my junk off to maintain 111. I'm

Wall of Remembrance

2011-10-16T06:42:00.001+08:00

As promised, today Band Back Together is hosting a continually-updated Wall of Remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. If you want to go check it out, you can click here. It's heartbreaking to see those names, but I hope the families of these babies find some comfort in having a space to honor them.

Fluff for your weekend

2011-10-15T08:07:00.000+08:00

Why did you and your last bf / gf break up? He packed his truck, quit his job and moved in the middle of the night. I swear to god, this is a true story. I found out we broke up when I got to work and was all, "Hey, why didn't Todd clock in?" My boss says, "Lisa, he moved." If there's a more classic way to be dumped, I haven't heard of it. I was angry for a bit, but I actually respect him a

Judge not

2011-10-13T15:19:00.000+08:00

I'm sure you've noticed by now that the things that are the most fun are things that you're not supposed to do. I mean, right? I can't think of too many exceptions to that. I enjoy camping--you're allowed to do that. But everything else: the 9 am martini, Nuggets for breakfast, lunch and dinner, handing the kids a huge bowl of Cheetos and turning on Nemo so you can sneak in a quickie in the

Hong Kong in bullets

2011-10-13T08:06:00.000+08:00

People keep emailing me, asking me to write about Hong Kong. How is it, they ask, that you can move to a new country and act as if you haven't? Why do we not hear more about the sights and sounds, they wonder. Did you really move, they question. Yes, I really did move. I wrote a few posts about that. And then I stopped. Because where you live is where you live. This isn't really about

WTF Wednesday

2011-10-12T06:30:00.000+08:00

Me: I'm not sure if I'm going to be okay with all this weight gain. Husband: You're going to have to be okay with it. When you start to struggle, I'll just show you that picture of you. You know, that one where the rain waters gathered in your clavicle? Your clavicle-hole? Your clavi-hole? BFF: I'm happy to report that you and I are the poster girls for mental health. Everyone else is

My island

2011-10-11T14:33:00.001+08:00

Estelah is nearly out of her terrible-twos. She's mostly reasonable. She's sweet, even. She listens. She responds. She's good with her manners. She's bright. She follows directions and is capable of doing quite a bit. Unless she's sleep-deprived. When her asthma flares up, she cannot sleep. I understand this. It's a brutal four or five days of not sleeping at night and then taking care

Monday Minutiae

2011-10-10T11:31:00.002+08:00

Weight gain update: You guys are nice--caring about my fat and all. Thanks for the emails with tips and advice. I'll tell you what I did and where I'm at. I realized that although I was eating all the time, I was eating HEALTHY. Not so many calories--mostly veggies, fruits, whole grains. Healthy, but not the best for weight-gain. So I've changed all that, added some Ensure (barf), and am

For Joules

2011-10-07T10:34:00.000+08:00

Do You Like Your Name? Sure. I don't know any other Lisas. It's short, and it can't be truncated. I don't think it's too douchey of a name. What Age Would You Like To Be Right Now? I'm finding 32 to be pretty rad. Who knew that the thirties would be where all the action is? Do You Have Pets? Yes. I have a boy pet who is four and a girl pet who is nearly three. They're both housebroken but

R.I.P. Jobs

2011-10-06T21:31:00.001+08:00

My brothers are both graphic designers. When they went to art school in the 90's, they were obligated to buy Macs--before the age of the iPod, back when nobody knew what the hell a Mac was. My brothers swore by them, put the stickers on their cars, urinated on unsuspecting PCs. Total artsy fan dorks. Steve Jobs was a name synonymous with Santa in my family. The Great Giver. The